I have a dream, a fantasy, part 4

Royal Patronage

It was time to change tack and my next logical step was to approach HRH The Prince of Wales.

After all, I am looking for a backer who shares my beliefs in sustainable living, community development and inspiring guests and people in the community to make changes to their own lifestyles, even if it just growing some herbs on the windowsill.

So I followed Royal Protocol and wrote to The Private Secretary to His Royal Highness The Prince of Wales, KG, KT, GCB, OM*.

To which I received a very posh reply – the postman actually bowed when he delivered it!

Whilst not being much of a Royalist, I was impressed with the prompt and nicely worded response – it really was the best ‘no’ I have ever received!

However, I was not done with their majesties. Royal patronage was a good option, but I had approached the wrong one. Prince Charles is more interested in farming, where my little enterprise is to be a B&B and smallholding, a place to relax and unwind, a refuge. 

It wasn’t Prince Charles I needed to approach, it was his wife.

Surely the Duchess of Cornwall would be the ideal person to understand that, whilst there is a lot of support and opportunities for younger people, there is far less for older people (and ladies in particular).

Logically she would therefore be interested in offering her patronage, as a lady who shares these beliefs and understands that women over a certain age are very capable and determined, as demonstrated by her schedule and that of her mother-in-law.

The timing of researching the interests of the Duchess of Cornwall also fitted in with some ideas I had been having in my own plans.

Yes, I still wanted to have a sustainable B&B with smallholding, I still wanted to sell my own Auntie Allie produce to guests and the local community and at local markets and host community events.

But I was also developing a plan to create a hub for female artisans at the property, with a row of craft stables for blacksmiths, cheese makers, wood carvers, willow workers etc. to demonstrate their work and sell their wares in a central shop.

Once again I was in receipt of a prompt, posh reply; once again the postman felt the need to bow and once again it was a polite ‘no’.

Maybe I could try baking some royal crested cakes…

I have a dream, a fantasy part 3

CALLING CELEBRITY INVESTORS (AGAIN)

So Robert Pattinson was a no go (though I still have the megaphone on standby). However, my next plan was closer to home (R Patz may be British, but he is also a Hollywood A Lister).

For some unknown reason, I’ll be honest they are not really my type of music*, I was taken to a McFly concert. I had just watched Countryfile’s feature on former boy band member, JB Gill, who has moved into farming, having purchased an estate in Kent and this was the inspiration to thinking about a possible tie up with McFly.

So why McFly?

Well, they had shown that they were willing to try something new –ballroom dancing, opera or even eating the private parts of some jungle animals.

It would be a great hook for a TV series to follow the story of setting the enterprise up and most importantly for me; it would be a way to inspire their fans about sustainability, growing and making your own produce, along with promoting the idea of eating more locally and seasonally.

It all made perfect sense to me, so it was just a case of making first contact…

As luck would have it McFly were set to play at the Newmarket Racecourse that summer and I had the perfect way to attract their attention – bake some McFly cakes!

I have to say there were awesome – beetroot & Guinness, carrot and courgette cupcakes, yes really and there is a recipe on a previous blog http://auntieallieproduce.blogspot.co.uk/2013/06/the-courgette-conundrum.html with the band members’ symbols carefully iced on top.

My long-suffering friend and I grabbed a place near to the front of the stage and waited. It was certainly a new experience. I have never been an obsessed fan of anyone, even as a teenager and we were surrounded by them. Boy-o-boy did they know how to scream. I worked in motor racing for a number of years and these girls and boys could have given the F1 grid a run for its money - it is the oldest I've felt for a long time.

In reality, the only chance I had of attracting the band's attention with the cakes was to throw them at them – tempting, but not a great way to start a business relationship…

When the 'cake at concert' failed to work, I found out the contact information for their manager and sent him the proposal. This time I did get a response, but it was a regretful ‘no thank you’.

On the plus side, I can certainly add ‘McFly Cakes’ to my growing Auntie Allie Produce repertoire.

* P.S Obviously I love McFly music now I have been to a couple of gigs, big fan, feel free to contact me about my proposal, no pressure...

I have a dream, a fantasy part 2

Calling all celebrity investors

Oh come on, we all know there are a lot of celebrities desperate to find ways to spend all their hard earned cash. With Wayne Rooney earning a reported £1,785 per hour, Tom Cruise is estimated to be worth a cool US$500 million and Lewis Hamilton has a £68 million fortune he must need help with spending…

However, it is not easy to get to these celebrities and if I can be serious for a moment, I am looking for a partner who will also gain something from the enterprise, as that is really what it is all about.

So, option 1 was – wait for it- Robert Pattinson, or R Patz as he is unfathomably known. A couple of years ago I was reading an article about this British heartthrob and star of the Twilight Movies, where he was talking about the pressure of being followed by fans and the fact that many of them would ask him to BITE THEM! Now if that is not a guy in need of a quiet place to hide, then I don’t know who is.

So, I hatched a plan for him to invest in my B&B smallholding, which in return would provide Mr Pattinson with the perfect ‘cover’ and a lovely cottage in the grounds for when he wants to ‘get away from it all’ and when he stays then the B&B is ‘full’.

It would also be a top place for his dog ‘Bear’ (I did my research!) to stay. The final selling point was that I am the most confidential person I know!

So, I found out the contact details for his agent and wrote an introductory letter and proposal (for the business, not of marriage - is he good looking, I hadn't noticed!) AND…

…I never received a response, which, in reality, did not come as a big surprise.

Plan B is to go to one of his premiers and call him over using a megaphone to hand over the proposal directly, but I don’t want to waste my savings on bail money, so haven’t put it into action yet.